I wouldn't want to believe that it was my beauty that attracted me to my father who was the first man to defile me. I was still a child then, and it continued till I became a teen, till he died. I wonder why my mother didn't notice. I wonder if my father knew he contributed to ruining my sex life.
The other person who contributed to ruining my sex life was my boyfriend. Then I was sixteen. He raped me, him and his friends. I had started dating him because he was different, rather, I thought him to be different. He wasn't like other guys who seem to be only interested in sex. I had gone to visit him, he told me he was alone, but somehow, two other guys joined us, I struggled to leave unhurt and not to be stolen from myself. How could I fight three guys? How wouldn't I wake up and see myself in a hospital bed? My mother was there, she knew what happened. How did she know? She said I shouldn't ever remember that day. How wouldn't I? She also said I should forget everything that might have happened to me and live my life to the full.
It sounded so easy for her. She wouldn't know what it is like. How do I explain to her that I have slapped more than ten guys at different times because they did things that triggered the memory? If only she knew that the three times I have claimed to be involved in accidents were all lies. I had been beaten by guys who couldn't bear to have a girl slap them. Which guy would bear to be slapped just after hugging a girl or patting her back or robbing her hand.