I cried.Very loud I cried.So hard I cried.Like I don't care.Like it was the only thing I can do.It wasn't in my room that I cried.It was in the church,in the front pew of the choir side of the church.Many eyes might have seen me but I wasn't bothered cos my heart is crushed.God needs to hear me.He needs to see me.
The Pastor was giving the message.I have heard the message before but not this way.It was bringing tears to me.Uncontrollable tears.My Pastor was talking about rapture.
I hated this topic.It gets me scared and so I often don't listen to it when it is preached but not today.I was in the message.I was thinking of what would happen to me if...
If I miss heaven.If I go to hell.The sorrows I would feel.The pains.So I cried.
I cried for I would have gone to hell if rapture took place before this message.
I have had sex with a girl I met in the club on friday night.My pastor called it a sin.It was worse because I'm the choir leader and the Youth Secretary of my pentecostal church.I had cried because I lied to my Mum just to get three thousand Naira from her.I inflated the price of the hot plate I helped my sister buy just to get some money.And these are all wrong in the sight of God.
Maybe the only things I did this week that can't take me to hell was sleeping,eating,bathing.So I cried.
I had gone to answer the altar call when my Pastor had put the call across.To make more people pick this call.My pastor said,"it will happen all in a second,you wouldn't know,just in a blink of an eye,It may be less than that because the Bible said that a thousand years on earth is like a day in heaven,so why not seize..."He was still saying when I screamed.
I shouted.Again I shouted.Now I cried more.It was becoming a disturbance I guess because I felt the hand of one of the ushers on my shoulder.
More people came out.My Pastor prayed for us.The service continued.And ended after some minutes.We went for a few minutes counselling.
I had asked a question during the counselling.About the a day in the sight of God being a thousand years on earth.My Pastor read it out to me from the Bible in Psalm 90:4 KJV.He told me that wasn't what I should be concerned with.But living a holy life.
I went home immedaitely after service.All through since after I heard that thousand years stuff I didn't concentrate in all he said again.
I had cried more during the alter call because I was fooled.I cried more in my room when I got home.
Is that true?So Heaven is just two days old since after Christ died.And our earth is two thousand and fourteen years old already.Mystery.
Then I picked my diary and wrote down the date.My Pastor said I should do that.I didn't write the date because my Pastor said I should.But because I started doubting God.
What nonsense I thought.How possible is this?I thought.A thousand years?A day?I asked myself.Is that how powerful God can be?
I stood.I walked.I lied on my bed.I sat.I moved and moved all about my room taking different positions.
This is sounding like a fairy tale to me.Who is the god mother?Mary?I rolled on my bed.Answers are not coming.
Who has the answer.The kingdom of God was at hand while Christ still lived.And it's two thousand years now.Rather two days and some 'mini-mini seconds'.Yet the kingdom remains at hand.
"The signs of his coming is everywhere",my Pastor said."It may happen even this year or next year even".He said.
How many days was the world created?Six days?Or six thousand days?Christ was dead for how many days?Three days?Or three thousand years?
On whose scale of measuring days was the Bible written.The 24 hours a day of the earth.Or God's 'a thousand days on earth-a day in heaven's'.
Come on,what more is there to think?I just wish I have answers.I'm not happy I gave my life to Christ.I'm confused.I just don't know.Maybe Heaven is really not real.Just maybe.