Thursday, 4 June 2015


The kind of church me and my friend likes to attend. A church where the Pastor says Praise the Lord, and you slightly moan as you lift your well manicured hand and wave romantically to the Lord while you say, “Alleluia” as though you are saying yes to a marriage proposal. God is good!!!

God in his infinite mercy has faithfully planted ‘man-candies’ in the church me and my friend now attends. We haven’t worshipped in the church for up to three months, but we are so not living the church unless God wonderfully deals with us by sending us two man-candies that will put rings on our ring fingers. Praise God!!!

I still remember clearly our first service in this church. We were invited by our neighbor. Right at the entrance of the church was a man-candy-well sculptured. God is faithful!!!

The man-candy, a member of the ushering department whose duty post seems to be the main entrance of the church because he had been there all the times we came to the church is of the habit of giving his sparkling ‘macleans’ teeth as he says, ‘welcome to service’.

That first Sunday, as Bro. Francis Man-candy beamed us the welcome to service smile, I beamed him the smile I give to male clients whenever they are about to decline a deal, just to make them think me as part of the deal’  package. But, while I had a thank you on my lips as a response to Bro. Francis Man-candy, in my heart I said, ’oh, how handsome you look naked, and the feel of your chest against my chest is just amazing’. Blood of God!!!

While service went on that Sunday, I busied myself fishing out other Man-candies in the Man-candy Ocean of a church. Trust me, the women were mouth enough to take the candies and that made me jealous.

Then, a super man-candy caught my attention. He was too man-candish that I know I have to fight to keep him, but my friend loves such challenges. What a match. So I tickled my friend to see if she caught the vision. Sweet Holy Spirit, how wonderfully you work.

Brother Charles, the choir conductor smiled all through as he conducted the choir during the worship and praise sections and even during the special ministrations. The 6.3 heighted, screen faced Brother manages a P.R firm. The romantic God who is no author of confusion had surely written it that the man-candy P.R wizard will be with mouth enough advertising witch, Sis Annie-my friend. What a pair…Alleluia!!!

“Mission statement?” I whispered to my friend.
“Turn on the green light and say go to Bro. Charles”
“And Bro. Francis”
“Bless the Lord”

“Mission statement troubled”, I whispered to my friend who said nothing as the man-candiest person I ever saw emerged. “Holy elfing miracle working Christ”, the Pastor is an ‘on-turner’.

His cute smiles, his height, his muscular build, his gait, his accent, his voice and of course, his suits, that surely is worth a fortune. Jeez!!! You need to see this Pastor. God the shoe he wore to service on this day would save souls from hell. Come on, God wouldn’t be heartless enough to allow that treasure of a shoe of Pastor Hilary to burn in hell as such that any foot that wears it to Hell will get sucked up in Heaven. Such shoes can only be seen in Heaven or places close to it.

But, Pastor Hilary is no option, at least not from the way Pastor Grace, the mouth that licks man-candy Hilary overlooks the church as though she has in her eyes a crushing-for-Pastor detector.

Glory to God!!!

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