Sunday, 19 October 2014

Waiting for Somadina...

I waited for him for over two hours. I was bored stiff. I had eaten, drunk and sat there for what seemed like forever, yet he was no where to be found. I decided to keep busy with my phone. Switching on my data connection, I settled down to rid myself of boredom. There was a whatsapp message from him, the guy I have been waiting for, Somadina. The message simply read, 'waiting for Somadina? Never knew I could best you at your own game, I thought you were smarter than this. Well, I'm at the extreme, you could still come up...lolx'. 

I never believed I would be counted among the millions of people who go on blind dates. Before I started using the social networks and chat sites, I thought people who used them were stupid, those who have too much time on their hands. Not like I was anything more than a serious S.S 3 student at the time social networks became popular in Nigeria.

I started thinking of facebook after I saw my brother going through his facebook profile. I later created my own facebook account and got myself a profile on 2go. I got addicted to these two platforms that I was so sure I would have failed my WASSCE and JAMB woefully had I not created the accounts after these exams.

I started sleeping very late at night which made me doze during morning devotions. I took more pictures on my phone than I had ever cared to. I stopped making night calls and rarely joined in family discussions. Becoming taciturn was part of the bargain as all my talkings were done on 2go and on facebook as status updates or chats to my friends on these platforms. The few words I spoke were 'I.M', something my mother really frowned at. I read lesser novels than I used to, laughed more to my phone than with anybody, and charged my phone more than I did just about anything.
Such phone addiction was a big issue with my mother as she always threatened to seize my phone. My big brothers would have had issues if I had been found wanting in carrying out my duties or didn't maintain eye contact when they spoke to me, so I watched it. My younger sister couldn't wait to have her own phone to join the '2go-facebook' craze and she made a habit of looking at my phone screen over my shoulder something that often got me irritated and angry at her. I was not in the least bit perturbed by what anyone thought about my '2going' and 'facebooking' as those were the only things that kept me busy while waiting for admission.

I, just like many users of these social networks started going on blind dates and having online relationships. I got my first Blackberry phone from a guy I met online and that launched me into the league of 'pinging girls'. To my mother, I sold my phone to get the Blackberry phone. My big brothers understood their kid sister played some bad game. My kid sister only knew that I changed my phone. I got myself accounts in different banks for convenience just in case any of the online 'mugus' needed to send me some money.

My school admission list came out. I was successful, so off to school I went with my mother sounding notes of warning about my phone addiction which she called a great distraction. My roommate turned out to be an 'ultimate' when it came to online chatting, I was just a 'senior' compared to her. Whereas I never went on blind dates beyond my town of residence, hers was 'inter-state' which she claimed she limited in school to avoid distractions.

She couldn't convince me to do 'inter-state' blind dates but I learnt how to get transport fares for the dates even when I didn't plan on going for them. She also taught me what she called 'waiting for Gordot', which entails making a guy wait for me under the impression that I would join him soon whereas I had no intention of doing so.

To her, when a guy fails to pay his dues of more than one month data subscription, regular phone recharges and some money, and goes on to invite a girl for a blind date, such a guy should be allowed to 'wait for Gordot'. If the guy paid some of the dues, the blind date should be attended by the girl who should at least be some two hours late. However, when the guy paid all his dues, then being thirty minutes late should be considered fair enough.

It took me no time to start making guys 'wait for Gordot' and collect transport fares for 'inter-state' blind dates. I however never forgot school as I knew I couldn't go home with just any result. To top it all, my  aunt happened to be my H.O.D, hence  messing up wasn't allowed since my mother would have easy access to my results.
I started exploiting other social networks, I loved twitter for its class. E-buddy was just there. Smiggle was boring but happened to be my waterloo because that was where I met him. The guy that made me wait for Somadina and not Gordot.

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