Sunday, 10 July 2016

On Banky W's Gidi Love

Being an eligible bachelor must come with its' unique challenges. The kind of challenges Banky W understands well enough. A dear friend would say of Banky, 'It's not a celebrity wedding if Banky isn't there, and there as the Best man'. That shouldn't be taken literally though. But, it seems that Banky is the only one single among his friends. And any one who has tied the knot, must have heard about how good it's to avoid unmarried friends as they won't grow your marriage.

I wouldn't know about Banky and his friends, but the Instagram post that accompanied the release of Gidi love says a whole lot about his single story frustrations. I can't imagine myself in his shoes, getting all the, 'when would you marry' subtle jabs he gets as a reply to Good morning.   

And if his mother were any average Nigerian mother, I am sure Banky would have been a prayer point for years. And he must have been the reason for lots of family meetings. Lol. We all know how that works.   

In Africa, Nigeria particularly, marriage is a family business. Everyone should be involved in the other family members or relatives marriage. The Igbo person would say, 'otu onye anaghi anu nwanyi' (marriage is not for one person). This makes it not unusual for an Igbo man to call his brother's or any of his relative's wives, 'my wife'. This same belief necessitates the idea of making enquiries about the families any one intends to marry from. One can easily hear, 'madness runs in the family, so you can't marry from there'  or that a family is a family of thieves and shouldn't be married from. This also makes parents look out for brides for their male children.   

Development, technology and literacy may have reduced this, but has done little or nothing to the pressure parents put their children to, all in a bid to have them married. Parents would always advice their children to marry on time, so as to age with their children. The Nigerian parents are not wrong, but they haven't come to understand that times have changed. They have not come to learn from the misery of their 'suffering and smiling' marriages. They have not learnt from their staying in this marriage just for 'my children's sake'  mistakes.   Many of us are scared cos we don't want to end up in the same 'hopeless' situation as our parents. Though we are in a period, where divorce is possible, but we still don't want to be caught in the mess of it. So, we can only be very careful to avoid mistakes. Marriage is still not for everyone. My kind of person maybe, and the kind of people who doesn't really see the need for it. Some see the need of it, but are not ready for the marriage challenge.   

If only our parents would give us some space, if only the society would let us be, a lot of people won't jump into marriage as a way to prove maturity or to be part of the status quo. A lot of people would take their time as Banky is, but he needs a break, not some pressure.  

Share some Gidi love, after all the search for love in Lagos can take a longer time than one would have thought ordinarily.

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